The Shrake-tionary

CELLFINGER ^sms

(noun)

The erect index finger placed on the top portion of a cell phone while it is up to your ear. Males always do this (see illustration A), whether the cell phone is a flip phone and needs the propping up or not. Women, not so much (see illustration B). I’m curious how we went from the five-finger-and-thumb wrap-around grasp on old phone receivers (see illustration C) to the dainty but phallic one-finger position for cells.

A

B

C

HOMESOUND ^sms

(noun)

Like hometown, but referring to the local dialect or accent where you grew up.

LINGUISOMNIA ^sms

(noun)

A temporary or chronic condition in which you suddenly become too tired to finish the sentence you started speaking. Rel.: linguisomniac. Also see: linguilepsy ^sms.

EPONYMOUS-HIT WONDER ^sms

(compound noun)

A “one-hit wonder” musical artist or band whose biggest/only hit has the same name as the artist or band. Example: “In a Big Country” by Big Country.

HOLLYWOOD PRAYER ^sms

(noun)

The namaste-inspired clasping of hands and slight bow/nod that one Hollywood actor does while another is praising him/her. The praiser is usually onstage at an awards ceremony directing the ass-kissing to a seated audience member, who makes the above-described gesture. Formerly performed only by the biggest of Hollyweirdos, now very common (see: AIDS ribbons).

This reflexive move in response to ego-stroking is the closest anyone in Hollywood comes to praying, hence “Hollywood Prayer.”

LAXACCINO ^sms

(noun)

A more expensive, higher-class version of Crappa Joe, i.e., a coffee drink used to speed the arrival of Nature’s Call.

SHRAXIM ^sms

(noun)

A maxim/aphorism originating with SM Shrake. Examples.

CRAPPA JOE ^sms

(noun)

A cup of coffee that you drink in order to expedite nature’s business.

WRONGAGERY ^sms

(noun)

1. A collection of wrongages, i.e. incorrect beliefs, ideas, statements. Example: “His speech was just a mass of intense wrongagery. He gets every name wrong, he misquotes everyone, and he exercises his right to his own facts way too much.” 2. The intentional or accidental practice of getting things wrong.

STACKNE ^sms

(noun)

Also: stacne ^sms

Acne on your boobs.