The Shrake-tionary

DENIAL-AIDING COMPARISON ^sms

(noun)

An absurdly far-fetched comparison used to minimize a problem you are in denial about, such as alcoholism, spendaholism, sexaholism, rageaholism. Examples: 1. “I know I drink too much sometimes, but it’s not like I’m kidnapping newborns from hospitals and selling them on the black market to get enough money to pay for all the booze I drink!” 2. “I just like to gamble, that’s all. So I lose more than I wanted to sometimes, so what? It’s not like I’ve lost my house, car, and all my belongings and have had to scam my children and grandchildren out of their houses, cars, and belongings too! I mean, come on. I’m not that bad.”

SUDDENLY ELEVATE TO LOVER (SETL) ^sms

(verb phrase/acronym)

1. The spontaneous belated discovery by two longtime friends that they wish to become lovemates, not just friends. E.g.: “Manny and his good friend Trish had both been single for about 10 years, then one day out of the blue he just SETLed for her. Well, actually it was mutual. They both SETLed.”

DE-CAR ^sms

(verb)

1. To disembark from an automobile. Related: de-train, de-plane (and other such questionable neologisms).

MOUTHWASHING FOUNTAIN ^sms

(noun)

1. A small circulating fountain for home or office filled with mouthwash instead of water. Uses include germ-killing mouth sanitation as well as mindfulness and tranquility through its enchanting Listerine smell and gentle glugging and gurgling sounds provided by the flow of mouthwash in and around the rocks and pebbles.

TOFART ^sms

(noun)

1. Flatulence caused by the eating of tofu. Alt.: tofurt ^sms.

HOUSESTREET ^sms

(noun)

1. A residential street. E.g.: “I don’t think I would like to live on this housestreet. The houses are too small.” Related: storestreet.

EMAILPISTOLARY ^sms

(adjective)

1. A piece of epistolary writing, which was traditionally made up of letters (telegrams, skywriting, etc.), but instead uses emails as its foundation. E.g., this.

MICHIGAN FACE ^sms

(noun)

1. The telltale face of a Michigosling (young female Michigander) distinguishable by its roundness, paleness, puffiness, severely plucked eyebrows, and dead eyes. If the nasally words “You wanna know what?” come out of its narrow, thin-lipped, waste-of-good-lipstick mouth, then the Michigan origin of this pie face is confirmed beyond any doubt.

CHATTACKER ^sms

(noun)

1. Someone who surprises you with an unwanted IM or chat message, usually when you least want/expect it. Rel.: to chattack (verb); chattack (noun); chattacking (gerund).

QUESSAY ^sms

(noun)