The Shrake-tionary

DEFRIENDESTATION^sms

(noun)

When your online or offline “forest” of friends diminishes in number. This can happen by design, or unintentionally.  It’s nature’s way.

REJECTOPHILIA^sms

To thrive on rejection, and thus be mentally ill in an opposite way from me. This person would be called a rejectophile.

HATEFUN^sms

(noun)

The fun that comes with hating on any- and everybody and -thing. E.g.: “My goodness, don’t be upset at my tirade about [immigrants, gay marriage, Republicans, whatever], I was just having a little hatefun!”

STORYSTER^sms

(noun)

1. Since Apple owns the trademark on “storyist,” I will Shrakemark this word instead as a shorter name for storyteller, which latter is a dumb word. “Storyteller,” to me, always calls to mind a plump middle-aged woman in a long dress encircled by children sitting Indian style. This new Shrakeism is much cooler. (P.S. I reserve the right to use “storyist,” too, if I want.)

MORTIFICIONADO^sms

(noun)

1. An expert on mortification. 2. A frequent presenter or audience member at Mortified shows.

SHRACKLE ^sms

(noun)

Contraction of “Shrake cackle.” A word to describe my laugh, which sounds like Rod Stewart coughing after he has gargled with broken glass.

REJECTION FLIP ^sms

(noun phrase)

The moment in your career when you stop having to beg, grovel, and bug everyone to give you a chance and putting up with constant rejection… and instead it becomes their turn to bug you to be on their show or in their magazine or whathaveyou. There’s a moment when this happens. Savor it.

Y’PPLE^sms

(noun)

(Pronounced “yipple”): A contraction of “you people.” Compare to “y’all,” “y’uns,” “yuz.” Not region-specific; can be used anywhere.

CLAP-LAUGHER ^sms

(noun)

Person (some might say buffoon) who claps automatically with his hands every time he laughs. Behavioral tic endemic to the Dumb community, and to some extent also the Fat community.

BENEFIT OF THE DEAD^sms

(noun phrase)

Attributing attitudes to the dead that distort how the deceased would have actually felt, to the advantage of the living person who is talking. Examples: 1. “I’m going to give myself the benefit of the dead, and say: I know Grandma would want me to steal this money from the company she started. She would be okay with it.” 2. “I know my late husband would want me to move on with my life by throwing away all the pictures I have of him. He would give me the benefit of the dead.”